Co-Regulation: The Best Hack to Calm Down a Colicky Baby

Ever noticed how a baby can seem perfectly content in their mother’s arms, yet become fussy when passed to someone else? This isn’t just coincidence—it’s a profound neurological process called co-regulation. Babies have only known their moms their entire life and have been interacting with her nervous system for the past 9+ months!

According to research, up to 15% of infants experience regulation difficulties in their first year, affecting sleep, feeding, and persistent crying. Yet many healthcare providers focus solely on the baby’s behavior without considering the crucial nervous system connection between mother and child.

As parents, you may have felt frustrated trying to calm your distressed baby despite using every technique in parenting books. Your pediatrician may have told you that it’s your breast milk or to try a new formula. Maybe they suggested taking out dairy, gluten, or even legumes! Some say to avoid caffeine or try holding them in a different position. All of this may play a role in colic…

In this article, we’ll dive into co-regulation, how a mother’s nervous system influences her baby’s development, and how Neurologically-Focused Chiropractic Care can help restore balance to both nervous systems.

What is Co-Regulation Between Mom and Baby?

Co-regulation is the biological process through which a regulated adult’s nervous system helps regulate an infant’s developing nervous system. While many parents understand the emotional connection with their baby, fewer realize this bond has profound neurophysiological implications.

Co-regulation helps your baby’s developing nervous system manage physiological and emotional responses to external stimuli, ultimately leading to self-regulation.

When a baby is born, their nervous system is underdeveloped by design. Unlike regulated adults who can calm themselves, babies depend on mom’s nervous system to regulate their physiological states. When your baby is distressed, their nervous system seeks yours as a template for returning to balance. Your calm presence provides the neurological pattern their developing brain needs. We see this in real time with breastfeeding and skin-to-skin contact.

Skin-to-skin contact demonstrates this beautifully. When a mother holds her baby against her skin, the baby’s heart rate, breathing patterns, and stress hormone levels begin to regulate. Research shows babies receiving regular skin-to-skin contact have increased breastfeeding initiation, better temperature regulation, and less crying.

Unfortunately, prenatal stress, anxiety, birth trauma, and physical tension can disrupt this natural process, creating neurological dysfunction that interferes with effective co-regulation.

How Baby’s Nervous System Learns from Mom’s

The nervous system is the first major system to develop in a baby, beginning to form as early as the 3rd and 4th week of pregnancy—before most moms even know they’re pregnant! This early development highlights the nervous system’s critical importance as the master control system for all other developing functions.

A mother’s nervous system state serves as the blueprint for her baby’s developing nervous system. Before and throughout pregnancy, the mother’s stress levels, emotional well-being, and Autonomic Nervous System balance may influence the development of these same systems in her baby.

This connection happens through hormonal exchanges. When a mother experiences chronic stress, her body produces stress hormones like cortisol that reach the baby in utero through the umbilical cord. The baby’s developing brain and nervous system adapt to this environment, essentially “learning” that the world is stressful. Conversely, when a mother’s nervous system is balanced, her baby receives signals that the world is safe. This teaches baby how to flow through stressful versus safe environments and start to learn how to adapt.

This neurological programming is key to what we call “The Perfect Storm”—the events of early life stressors contributing to nervous system dysregulation. High fertility stress, exposure to medications or endocrine disruptors, maternal stress during pregnancy, and birth interventions that physically impact the baby’s delicate neurospinal system can lead to patterns of subluxation and dysautonomia affecting a baby’s ability to self-regulate. Instead of outgrowing colic and constipation, these babies may develop conditions like ADHD, asthma, anxiety, and more as children and teenagers. This underscores why early intervention is crucial.

The Nervous System Connection

To understand co-regulation, we must explore the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)—the control center for our body’s unconscious functions. The ANS has two primary branches: the Sympathetic Nervous System (“fight or flight”) and the Parasympathetic Nervous System (“rest, digest, and regulate”).

Think of the sympathetic system as your body’s gas pedal—revving up heart rate and stress hormones when you perceive danger. The parasympathetic system acts as your brake pedal—slowing things down and promoting relaxation. In a healthy person, these systems shift fluidly. However, chronic stress or physical tension can disrupt this balance, leaving a person stuck in sympathetic dominance.

Babies are remarkably attuned to their parents’ nervous system state, especially mom’s, detecting subtle cues through facial expressions, voice tone, and touch quality. When a mother holds her baby, the infant reads her heart rate, breathing pattern, and stress hormone levels. This is why an anxious parent trying to soothe a baby while saying “calm down” often experiences frustration—the baby responds to the parent’s actual nervous system state, not their words. This is also why we sing to our babies—it helps activate our vagus nerve and calm our nervous system too. Without an already regulated nervous system, this tends to be less effective.

At the core of this regulatory system is the vagus nerve, essential for activating the calming “rest and regulate” response. When functioning optimally, it allows both parent and child to maintain balance. Dysfunction—often due to subluxation in the upper neck and brainstem region—can significantly impair both mother and baby’s ability to regulate.

Why Co-Regulation Matters in the Early Years

The first three years of life are a critical period for brain development, with more than 1 million new neural connections forming every second.

Co-regulation during this time is foundational to healthy neurological development. Every time a mom helps a baby move from distress to calm, she strengthens neural pathways that will eventually allow the child to self-regulate.

Impacts of co-regulation include:

• Sleep patterns: A well-regulated nervous system supports healthy sleep cycles.
• Feeding behaviors: The vagus nerve controls digestion. Regulation improves feeding and reduces reflux or colic.
• Emotional development: Co-regulation builds emotional security and trust.
• Behavioral regulation: Co-regulation experiences influence a child’s ability to manage frustration and adapt to change.

Struggles with co-regulation aren’t about parenting skill—they’re about nervous system function.

Barriers to Effective Co-Regulation

While co-regulation should be natural, many modern families struggle with it. Common barriers include:

• Maternal stress and history: A mother’s own childhood experiences with regulation impact her ability to co-regulate.
• Physical discomfort: Pain from birth recovery or tension in the neck and neurospine can maintain sympathetic dominance.
• Sleep deprivation: Exhaustion triggers sympathetic dominance.
• Environmental overwhelm: Excessive stimulation can overwhelm both parent and baby’s sensory systems.

Physical tension can cause subluxation—neurological dysfunction that interferes with nerve communication, particularly affecting the vagus nerve and autonomic balance. When subluxation affects the upper neck and brainstem, it can impact the body’s ability to switch from “fight or flight” to “rest and regulate” mode.

Supporting Co-Regulation with Neurologically-Focused Chiropractic Care

At Family Health Chiropractic & Wellness, we recognize that effective co-regulation requires addressing the root cause of nervous system dysregulation. Our Neurologically-Focused Chiropractic Care approach identifies and addresses dysfunction interfering with a mother and baby’s ability to co-regulate.

Our process begins with comprehensive Neurological INSiGHT Scans to objectively measure nervous system function in both mother and baby. These scans provide a “window” into the ANS, revealing patterns of subluxation and dysautonomia.

Heart Rate Variability (HRV) measurement is valuable for assessing co-regulation. When mother and baby are effectively co-regulating, their HRV patterns often synchronize. Our scanning technology detects this synchronization—or lack thereof—to guide care.

Personalized care plans include gentle adjustments to restore neurological function. As function improves, many families report remarkable improvements in co-regulation.

Practical Ways to Support Co-Regulation at Home

After initial care with a PX Doc, parents can further support co-regulation:

• Deep breathing while holding baby: Your breathing pattern directly influences your baby’s.
• Skin-to-skin contact: At least 15-20 minutes daily, during feeding or before nap time. Babies of all ages benefit.
• Eye contact and rhythmic movement: Synchronizes nervous systems.
• Singing to your baby: Regulates both parent and baby.
• Mindful presence during distress: Maintain your regulation while acknowledging the baby’s distress.
• Breastfeeding: Skin-to-skin connection and rhythmic sucking aid autonomic regulation.
• Create a calm environment: Reduce unnecessary sensory input.

These practices are most effective when both nervous systems are functioning optimally.